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Note: My old friend Screwtape keeps appearing just when I think he has gone into retirement. This letter was recently forwarded to me. The content has an uncanny resemblence to my recent article in Enterprise Solutions, but old Screwtape considers palgerism a standard tool of his trade so I am not surprised. Ms. Smythe, My dear Ms. Smythe, It was so nice to hear from you after all these years, and yes, I still do a bit of freelance consulting on computer system installations. In fact, your mention of an impending document management system going into your office brings back fond memories of some of my most successful interventions. As an old friend, I would be happy to help you sabotage the system which threatens your nicely settled way of doing things. Actually it is not much of a challenge, especially for someone of your skills and position as executive secretary to the CEO. But it is fun. Herein are a few suggestions on how you can guarantee the system will be a failure and not disrupt your life. 1) Suggest to your boss that because this is just another computer system the project should be handled strictly by the IT folks - no need to waste the time of users. They will just sit around in meetings talking instead of doing productive work. 2) Communicate to the IT staff that it would really be best if every document in the entire company is put into the document management system. The effect of total document management will ensure that people will spend endless hours managing things that have no business being managed, and it will take much longer for any tangible benefits to be realized. 3) On the CEO's letterhead indicate that this project is of such importance that it should be implemented throughout the company at once. This will almost certainly ensure a giant brouhaha as the development team will not have time to run a pilot and learn from their mistakes. 4) Using your influence you might arrange for the implementation team to have their own special workspace - away from the main office. This will minimize the possibility that they might even accidentally talk to end-users. I cannot emphasize strongly enough how important it is to keep the team away from the people that will use the system. 5) You might suggest in a casual conversation to the team leader, when he is trying to talk directly with your boss, that the CEO believes that documentation and training are only for whimps. I have used these strategies very successfully in the past and I believe you will find them equally useful in your situation. I can say with confidence that you have nothing to worry about for, with the above guidelines, this too shall pass. Demonically yours, Screwtape |
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